Lately I’ve been wondering what really the future holds for me. I feel like I haven’t gotten very far since graduating college last year. Supposedly, I’m a manager of some hotel by now. Supposedly, I’m able to pay back my parents for all their “work” for raising me. Supposedly, I’m on a process of buying my very first home. Sadly, none of these “supposed” events have ever happened yet. I feel so unaccomplished.

Ten years ago, I remember being asked the question “How do you see yourself ten years from now?” I was, of course, a very young, inexperience, naive little teenager then. So from what I recall, I answered “A hotel manager or at least a manager of a department in a big hotel. Probably engaged to some guy. On a process to buying a house with 5 or 6 bedrooms so my parents can live with me so that I can take care of them.” My answer may not sound too practical now, but they seemed easy to achieve ten years ago…especially for someone like me who believed that education was the way to get them all easily. Hence, I stayed in school. Studied hard to maintain a GPA of 3.5 or higher while working part-time and participating in several extra curricular activities. Graduated with honors. Went to college. Obtained a degree in management that (supposedly) could make me become some kind of a company leader. Get pay more than enough to help me buy a house. Then assist my parents with debts payment. Everything till obtaining a degree happened. But the ending (most vital) part still seems out of sight. I feel so unaccomplished.

Theses days I work a full-time and a part-time job…and sometimes I take on small “by the table” type of work just so I can pay all my personal bills that sum up to about $850 (and still be able to eat normal people’s food). I know a monthly payment of $850 don’t sound too much. But as a 20-something, recent college graduate who doesn’t live with parents, paying almost 1K a month is almost impossible. Trust me. I’ve had insufficient bank accounts almost every other week. Missed or unpaid bills for over a month or so. And last but certainly not the least, I almost got evicted from my old apartment for not paying rent on time. All these events makes me feel very unaccomplished.

All I can really think of now is how do I see myself in ten years? Am I still going to be working this much hours and still barely make ends meet? Am I still eating ramen noodles every other day? Will I be married (or at least engaged) by then? Will my parents still be alive so I can repay them for all their hard work and patience with me? One simple question, but yet, it carries out a thousand of follow-up questions as answers. Oh yeah, with all that in mind, it makes me feel unaccomplished.

I’m 23 years old. Turning 24 in a couple of months. Lives in a small apartment (literally, like a walk-in closet). Owes about 14K in student loans and 4K in credit cards. Has an unpaid balance of $1500 since last two summer school (that’s why my school hasn’t granted my request for a copy of my diploma). Work two jobs that pay a couple of dollars more than the minimum wage. Has not seen my family (parents and siblings) for a very long time because of the super expensive air fare just to get to the other island. Apparently, I am so sick of being home sick. I got no one to talk to (aside from my boyfriend who I only see for a couple of hours before he falls asleep and a small dog who NEVER made noise–at all) about all of these things going on in my life. Not only that I often feel ignored and alone, haven’t I mentioned it yet?…I feel very much unaccomplished.

Lovely

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